it’s less lonely to be alone

They say one of the symptoms of postpartum depression is withdrawal from support and isolation. But sometimes I think if this is my social group – and there 3 exceptional people who are not like this- then it’s actually easier on me and less lonely to ..just.. be ..alone.

If I’m going to be talking about a struggle I’m having at the in-laws and the person is constantly acting like I’m in the wrong without knowing anything about the situation at hand or having met the people involved? Screw you. You just told me in not so many words you trust people you never met over my ability to be a good mom.

I wasted half my only baby free time a day talking to this person, ironically because they were down and needed to be cheered up.

Same with another friend who mostly turns all the convos into that silver lining type conversation, reminding me how lucky and blessed I am compared to her. Like, maybe I am in some ways, but you’re the one going out with friends and travelling. I’m 18 months into self isolation with no one IRL to talk to. And who basically exists to be everyone else’s support person.

I know I deserve better than this. It’s less upsetting and energetically draining to just avoid them.