People keep talking about getting back to normal. And the new normal. Like any of us feel the way we did before the pandemic. Like it didn’t expose giant cracks in how our society worked. I was happier before I knew each government had an exact value for our individual lives and that they decided the economy was worth more. Before I heard people talk about child deaths from covid with sentences that start with “only”. “Only 300-400 children have died..”. As if I was interested in playing the odds with my kids life. One child’s death is tragic, a few hundred becomes “statistically insignificant” to some people. I can’t pretend like people who treated my high risk status as if it was my problem and that I should just accept I should die so as not to inconvenience another person by wearing a mask or practice social distancing can be seen as anything but hostile towards me and people with disabilities. No matter how much they dress their beliefs up with “love and light” language. I can’t pretend that people who are against vaccination are about personal choice anymore and benign. Not after watching them block people getting vaccinated. Or think of the rest of qanon as some harmless “fringe belief”. Not after watching them storm the capital. You can’t just un-break the social contract. You can’t just force people to smile and think that’s solved the problem.When someone has shown you that your life doesn’t matter to them, and that they are not sorry, there is no going back to normal. All the kings horses and all the kings men can’t put things back together again. I don’t want things to go back to normal. I want to fix the cracked things.